[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
John Mulaney’s ex-wife acquired actual about simply how devastated she was when he broke up together with her to be with Olivia Munn.
As Perezcious readers will recall, the comic filed to finish his seven-year marriage to Anna Marie Tendler in July 2021 after a stint in rehab. The previous couple first break up in Might — across the similar time rumors of his relationship with Olivia began. Naturally, there was numerous debate about whether or not John cheated on the 39-year-old artist because of the sus romance timeline!
None of them addressed the dishonest rumors on the time. Even to this present day, Anna Marie nonetheless hasn’t confirmed or denied the hypothesis! Nonetheless, she has been brutally trustworthy about her intense emotions through the time of their breakup – particularly in her new memoir Males Have Known as Her Loopy, which was launched on Tuesday.
Brace yourselves.
Anna Marie doesn’t maintain again in terms of this darkish chapter in her life. Within the ebook, she admitted she felt like she was “dying” when her marriage to John got here to an finish:
“My marriage was falling aside, and the extra I attempted to carry on, the quicker it appeared to slide away. I started reducing with extra frequency than at any level in my life. I used to be nauseous on a regular basis and had stopped consuming. Nobody noticed how skinny I had turn out to be as a result of I solely noticed individuals from the chest up by a pc display.”
Associated: Aaron Rodgers’ Mother and father Declare Ex Olivia Munn DID Trigger Household To Break Aside!
Issues acquired so dangerous that she made a “plan” to die by suicide in the future and even wrote a notice amid her heartbreak:
“Ideas of dying and demise consumed me. I had the desire, a plan, and the means to hold out the plan.”
Oof. As soon as Anna Marie wrote the notice, she had second ideas. She ripped it up “into tiny items the next day” and scattered “it into numerous rubbish cans” round New York Metropolis. Shortly afterward, “on the advice” of her therapist, she checked right into a psychological well being facility for “intense suicidal ideation, self-harm,” and “disordered consuming.”
Years after her divorce from John, Anna Marie wrote:
“I do nonetheless really feel like I’m dying after a breakup. Solely now I really feel like I’m dying for one, perhaps two days, as an alternative of a complete week. Or month. Or months. That’s progress. I’ve come to grasp that the dying feeling comes after the anger wears off, after I’m left with the vacancy of figuring out I have to as soon as once more rely largely on myself for firm.”
And once more, as time has handed, she is just not “miraculously” in a greater place in terms of her psychological well being. The photographer nonetheless struggles with suicidal ideation:
“I received’t faux that I’m miraculously completely satisfied now, that I by no means take into consideration desirous to die. I do. However my outdated mind earlier than the hospital would suppose: ‘I wish to die. I should die. Nobody will ever love me. Why am I even alive? Possibly I ought to act on this now so I don’t should really feel this fashion anymore.’ Now my mind thinks: ‘I wish to die. Okay, what’s this sense? That is grief. Grief is among the hardest emotions to really feel. Why I’m alive? I’m alive as a result of I’ve jobs to do.’”
To fight among the loneliness she felt, although, Anna Marie started her journey into motherhood. She continued:
“I didn’t notice having kids was a alternative till I used to be in my early 20s. It appeared like one thing everybody needed to do at a sure level, a pure development of life phases. No specific second catalyzed the selection. I merely bear in mind pondering in the future, ‘Oh wait, I don’t should be a mother.’ From that day ahead I by no means actually needed to be one. My reservations about motherhood have been formed by my emotions about males, their normal incompetence, their propensity towards selfishness, and their incapacity to empathize with the feminine expertise.”
Throughout her 20s and early 30s, the writer thought she “nonetheless had ‘a lot time.’” However now that Anna Marie is nearing her 40? She realized she didn’t have “a lot time in any respect,” which led her to strive in vitro fertilization. At first, the make-up artist thought the method can be straightforward, particularly when it got here to injecting herself because of her historical past of self-harm. Nonetheless, she quickly discovered that wasn’t the case. Anna Marie revealed she solely acquired 4 viable eggs, leaving her gutted:
“My eyes fill with tears and I can not learn the cardboard. I by no means thought-about I won’t get many eggs. Most of my mates who’ve additionally gone by this course of froze double digits. I simply assumed I’d comply with swimsuit. I really feel like a failure.’”
A 12 months later, Anna Marie gave it one other shot. Sadly, she needed to cease the second spherical earlier than she even started as her medical doctors found an ovarian cyst. Since then, although, she hasn’t tried to return to IVF — and doesn’t know if she ever will. Now, she can not assist however concern shedding her “neighborhood” of mates and being alone:
“I’m afraid that when everybody in our group has kids apart from me, I’ll be unimportant – the one, childless girl to whom they’ll not relate. I’m afraid I’ll lose my neighborhood and my help system, and that concern is so intense that it comes out as laughter on the similar time it comes out as tears. I remind myself for the millionth time that on the opposite aspect of being pregnant is motherhood, and I’m undecided I’m up for that.”
Rattling. Anna Marie didn’t maintain again in her memoir, irrespective of how gut-wrenching the small print are. Reactions? Tell us within the feedback beneath.
For sources on psychological well being, go to https://www.nimh.nih.gov/well being/find-help.
If you happen to’re combating an consuming dysfunction, there’s assist accessible. Think about visiting https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ or name their hotline at (800)-931-2237 for sources.
If you happen to or somebody is considering suicide, assist is accessible. Think about contacting the 988 Suicide & Disaster Lifeline at 988, by calling, texting, or chatting, or go to 988lifeline.org.
[Image via Sheri Determan/WENN, MEGA/WENN]
