Aabs Animals Review | TheXboxHub

Have you ever ever stared at a cat? Like, actually stared? We’re not speaking about a cat, or admiring one for a couple of seconds. We’re speaking about actually bloody looking at one. Transfer past eyeing up; we wish some goddamn gawping and gawking. That’s what we’re speaking about. Actually flipping stare at one. Drill a metaphorical gap by way of it. 

No? You haven’t executed that? You haven’t stared at a cat for a full sixteen minutes? Effectively, thank god for that. Since you’re not a maniac or cat-deviant. Pat your self on the again: you’re a human being and you shouldn’t purchase Aabs Animals. You might have jumped over the extraordinarily low bar we’ve set for you. You possibly can depart now. 

Oh pricey, you’re nonetheless right here. We are able to solely assume that you just’re interested by how this all ties into Aabs Animals. We are going to hope and assume that you just’re not mentally rubbing your thighs on the prospect of ogling felines. 

You see, Aabs Animals is a cat-staring simulator. There’s a black kitten, sitting in a room, and also you take a look at it. You possibly can zoom out and in with the left analogue stick, and you’ll transfer the digital camera spherical with the appropriate analogue stick. This isn’t an Xbox evolution of the Catz, Dogz or Nintendogs video games that you just may need performed previously, as a result of you possibly can’t stroke it, feed it, clear up its poop and even achieve its consideration. It’s simply there, squirming about to your pleasure. Urgent every other button simply causes Aabs Animals to shrug and return to counting its money.

Does the cat do something outstanding? It is determined by your definition of outstanding, actually. The cat stands on its hind legs, mews, performs lifeless and falls asleep. We suppose essentially the most attention-grabbing factor it does is stick round, moderately than eff-off by way of a cat flap to convey you a lifeless sparrow, or vomit in an unseen nook of the room the place it’s going to fester for per week.

There aren’t any menu choices. You possibly can’t change the color of the cat, nor the background. The sport begins instantly within the room with the cat, and also you’re straight into soiled cat perv mode. Then the achievements begin rolling in, with blips taking place each hundred seconds or so, like a ticking clock to when the police arrive and arrest you. 

For those who’re ever in a dialog with somebody about whether or not video games may be artwork, play Aabs Animals for them. The dialog will probably be over, as that is about as removed from artwork as you possibly can presumably get. Aabs Animals is a merchandising machine. It’s dishing out 100 Gamerscore at common intervals like we have been a cat ready for a kind of timed feeding machines. Feed us, Aabs Animals, feed us. Preserve the 100G kibble coming.

Our minds began wandering to how we bought right here. Once we say ‘how we bought right here’, we’re not speaking in regards to the cash that we put down for the sport, though it doesn’t mirror notably effectively on us. We’re speaking about what led to this recreation being made, and what led to the sport ending up on the Xbox Retailer. The thoughts boggles.

You virtually need to applaud the audacity of Aabs Inc. As a result of this isn’t even a very lovable little cat, or a well-animated one. You can have caught a rooster on a rotisserie and it might have had about as a lot charisma and motion. And to assume it’s been shoved onto the Xbox Retailer for £7.99. £7.99! How ballsy do you need to be to wheel out a dead-eyed cat taxidermy and count on eight quid for it? Even the Xbox Retailer description makes it clear that that is fifteen minutes of pure cat-watching. A minimum of they’re not hiding it, we suppose.

We’re not offended, we’re upset. Till now, we’ve been proud that the Xbox Retailer has no hentai shovelware like there’s on Steam and Change shops, for instance. However high quality management clearly took a time without work and left the door open a crack. The one optimistic we’re holding onto, desperately, is that there are rumours that Xbox are trying into Aabs Animals and whether or not it ought to be faraway from the Retailer. It would trigger one thing of a certification revolution. Which is an efficient factor, proper? 

Aabs Animals is much less a recreation and extra a transaction. It’s a shifty man in a darkish alley promoting 1000G for £7.99. “Simply take a look at a cat mate”, he says, as he pockets the money and runs laughing over the horizon. And also you’re left staring on the rotating, mewling cat for sixteen minutes, the horror of what you dedicated to welling up in your mind. Why are we right here? What’s love? Are all of us doomed to undergo and die as poorly animated cats dance about us? 

You should buy Aabs Animals from the Xbox Retailer