For a sport like Overwatch 2, wherein its story has been trickled out over dozens of disparate exterior media tales somewhat than in a single, cohesive factor—you recognize, like, a online game marketing campaign?—there are certain to be inconsistencies alongside the best way. However lord, seeing the sport’s 38 heroes all of a sudden get canonical birthdates and ages actually simply makes it obvious how weirdly incongruous these ages are with the timeline we all know.
This new birth-chart fodder comes from the official Overwatch web site, which was up to date this week to provide every hero a canonical birthday and age. A few of these make sense, like how lots of the old-guard characters like Soldier: 76, Ana, and Reaper are of their late 50s and early 60s. The brand new youngsters on the block—like current addition Illari being an 18-year-old sun-powered queen, or D.Va being a 21-year-old esports champion—in all probability take a look at too, as a result of they’re principally faraway from the bigger timeline of Overwatch. It’s after we begin evaluating extra central characters’ canonical ages that issues begin to get murky.
Kiriko, one of many new assist heroes launched in Overwatch 2, is likely one of the most obtrusive examples of the maths not mathing. When Blizzard first revealed Kiriko, it claimed she grew up with Genji and Hanzo, and even educated alongside them within the methods of the sword. Nonetheless, now that every one concerned have official ages, issues aren’t including up. We’re informed Genji and Hanzo are 37 and 40, respectively, whereas Kiriko is supposedly 21. On paper, I consider these ages as a result of every of these heroes feels written to be these ages, it’s the pitting these numbers towards the lore, artwork, and story we all know that doesn’t click on. Have a look at this illustration of the three coaching in Kiriko’s Origin Story trailer. You anticipate me to consider there are practically 20 years of distinction between these characters? Positive, Kiriko appears to be like younger and will fairly be underneath 10 right here, however you anticipate me to consider that Hanzo is pushing 30 on this picture?
Assault of the Fanboy compiled some examples of Overwatch followers declaring different oddities and inconsistencies. Take into account Sojourn, who’s now listed as 47 years outdated. Her sister Valentine, launched in the spin-off novel “Overwatch 2: Sojourn”, would have needed to have been 14 years outdated when giving beginning to Sojourn’s niece Bonnie. Which positive, isn’t unattainable, however it does appear extremely unlikely.
Personally, one of many greatest eyebrow-raising age questions of Overwatch is Pharah and Mercy, who grew to become a canonical (presumably unrequited) pairing within the story when it was revealed Pharah is a lesbian throughout the sport’s first Satisfaction occasion. Mercy is 39, whereas Pharah is supposedly 34. In the meantime, artwork of Pharah exists in Ana’s origin story that exhibits a really, very younger Pharah standing with a lot of the unique Overwatch crew; the hole between the 2 seems a lot bigger than 5 years.
Actually, with all of Overwatch’s narrative modifications and shake-ups through the years, I get it. Attempting to get this sport’s story off the bottom has been tumultuous sufficient that anticipating it to be hermetic and ideal in its timeline and lore is simply nitpicking. However it’s humorous to have a look at all of the numbers subsequent to one another and understand a majority of Overwatch’s story is about vibes greater than entering into the nitty-gritty of the timeline.
In the event you’re curious, listed here are everybody’s ages and birthdays:
Tank
- D.Va: June 22, (21)
- Doomfist: Could 25, (47)
- Junker Queen: June 14, (31)
- Orisa: Could 9, (1)
- Ramattra: March 29, (28)
- Reinhardt: June 26, (63)
- Roadhog: September 12, (50)
- Sigma: March 12, (64)
- Winston: June 6, (31)
- Wrecking Ball: October 15, (16)
- Zarya: December 4, (30)
Harm
- Ashe: October 1, (41)
- Bastion: ??? (32)
- Cassidy: July 31, (39)
- Echo: February 5, (14)
- Genji: October 28, (37)
- Hanzo: November 3, (40)
- Junkrat: February 29, (27)
- Mei: September 5, (33)
- Pharah: April 15, (34)
- Reaper: December 14, (60)
- Sojourn: January 12, (47)
- Soldier: 76: January 27, (58)
- Sombra: December 31, (32)
- Symettra: October 2, (30)
- Torbjorn: September 21, (59)
- Tracer: February 12, (28)
- Widowmaker: November 19, (35)
Help
- Ana: January 1, (62)
- Baptiste: March 12, (38)
- Brigitte: September 22, (25)
- Illari: December 21, (18)
- Kiriko: July 7, (21)
- Lifeweaver: April 28, (31)
- Lucio: March 20, (28)
- Mercy: Could 13, (39)
- Moira: April 4, (50)
- Zenyatta: July 14, (33)
Transferring ahead, we must always all make a pact to not ask for folks’s birthsigns; now, we’ll simply ask one another which Overwatch hero we share a beginning month with. Sadly, my very own reply of “Wrecking Ball, the clever hamster” doesn’t sound notably cool.
