Let’s not beat across the bush: the prime minister is a battler.
Sure, Anthony Albanese, who sat in the dead of night nook of his childhood house in authorities housing (Yuck!), tugging on his bootstraps so laborious he tugged himself off all the way in which to Kirribilli.
If he had been a battlebot — hearsay is he’s half droideka — he’d have a giant chainsaw and jerry-rigged flamethrower, tipping all of the weaker battlebots (single moms, the disabled, the unemployed, dregs et al.) into the open pits of everlasting loserdom, the place they belong. He’s carried out as a lot to his erstwhile tenant earlier this week, evicting him to promote the property (which isn’t a prerequisite, by the way in which).
That’s his proper as the one legit battler on the market, and as seen on this week’s funds — devoid of any of these pesky handouts or housing options — it’s a proper the Labor Occasion staunchly preserves. For the ALP, like its chief, is made up of battlers: be they grinding their method by means of Sydney’s rough-and-tumble personal colleges, or our nation’s grittiest authorized internships, or the brutal hardships of a youth spent toiling away as a political staffer. Certainly, as we speak’s Labor is made up of bucolic hard-scrabblers who struggle for the little man as a result of they perceive there’s no destiny worse than being little (see: Invoice Shorten).
Albanese and Labor know, as solely those that have skilled such hardship might know, that there’s nothing as laborious as being laborious carried out by (with apologies to [JOKE REDACTED BY CRIKEY LEGAL TEAM]). Arduous occasions name for laborious males to get laborious for individuals who are hard-up, and there’s no-one the ALP is as laborious for than Australia’s most oppressed and maltreated caste: the common-or-garden landlord.
DISCLAIMER: I’m saying this as somebody who owns 11 properties, which I nourish as eagerly because the black mould nourishing the respiratory sicknesses of my whiny tenants. What else on this nice nation is as laborsome, honourable, exhausting and dare I say ANZAC-like as renting out to a Chinese language trade scholar a room as soon as used to retailer open containers of rat poison for $850 per week (not together with utilities)?
Us landlords are essentially the most laborious carried out by sorry sods on this sodding nation, consistently having to handle the merciless and bitter expectations of our tenants — who I see as my kids! — although they beat and batter us with requests for indulgences like “heating”, “water” and “much less carbon monoxide”, as if we’re some type of quick-dial Jehova capable of conjure these items from skinny air (Susan, in case your house feels “skinny”, hearken to your physique and lay down and sleep as an alternative of emailing me each 5 minutes, okay?!?).
To be a landlord in Australia is to be vilified, villainised and vasectomised (a minimum of in my expertise) by merciless ungratefuls who would love nothing greater than to see us lose an empty funding property simply so they might scuttle in and declare it for their very own, like some cannibalistic hermit crab.
However simply because it seemed like we landlords had been on our final legs, the Australian Labor Occasion saved the day. Eventually, the illustration we’ve been preventing for for many years! Not like the Coalition (which is friendlier to land builders, large distinction!), Labor understands that landlords are the one individuals tethering our nation’s fractured sense of group and togetherness… uh… collectively.
Right here is a celebration that understands, instinctively, that essentially the most honourable issues one can aspire to be in Australia are: 1) landlord 2) AIPAC lobbyist and three) American submarine. And that essentially the most ignoble issues one could be are 1) tenant, urgh! 2) human rights advocate and three) struggle crime exposer. This can be a authorities that is aware of, on a elementary degree, that property possession has changed really working as an trustworthy method of incomes your lot in life.
Landlording is the brand new Labor. Therefore why the “L” in “ALP” now stands for “Landlord” — a chic and brave change that Albanese and co have tacitly endorsed with this week’s funds and tenant eviction.
Oh and the way the unconventional left (famous Trotskyite Alan Koehler, and many others) prefer to prattle on in regards to the risks of a nation placing all its eggs in a single basket re: actual property. Effectively, to them I say, that basket could be going for $789 per week 10 minutes down the highway in Newtown, or we might promote it for double what we paid for it final March, so it is best to cease whining and be grateful that you simply get to be within the basket in any respect! Jeez-louise!!!
However Albo le Battleur will get it! He will get us! He’s certainly one of us, gooble-gobble-gooble-gobble, and so forth. The very first thing he did after saying that stunning funds (I’m spending that $300 subsidy on the entire JAG Bluray boxset) was kick that ungrateful tenant of his to the curb. It was a message heard round Australia, loud and clear: we’re not gonna take it! The little man is preventing again!
Mr Albanese has made it clear by means of the brave eviction of that no-good layabout that we’re not gonna take it anymore, and that if these individuals actually had been working class — had been actually true-blue battlers, like us — they might even be landlords, no?
They assume in any other case, however I assume the black mould has gone to their heads.
(P.S. Susan: I hope you’ve taken my recommendation and are laying down for this, however your weekly lease is rising by $9. It’s solely truthful.)
