HOST ROY WOOD JR.
Taking his flip on the podium proper after Biden, Wooden Jr. grabbed some papers and knowledgeable POTUS that he had left behind some “categorized paperwork.”
Relating to Fox Information’ $787 lawsuit settlement, Wooden Jr, stated there are three folks you by no means wish to face in courtroom: “Dominion, Cardi B., or Gwyneth Paltrow. You’re gonna lose!”
“Half this room thinks I’m Kenan Thompson, the opposite half thinks I’m Louis Armstrong. President Biden thinks I’m the dad on Household Issues.”
Wooden Jr. introduced that the WHCA’s prime scholarship winner this 12 months was in reality “Arizona State senior George Santos,” however he couldn’t attend as a result of he was “auditioning for RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
Speaking about how Byron Allen and Tyler Perry are battling to grab up the house to Sistas & Co., Wooden Jr. remarked, “That’s how unhealthy it’s on the market. These corporations are so broke they’re giving BET again to Black folks!”
To the producers and workers of Tucker Carlson Tonight, the Each day Present correspondent empathized, “I, too, know whats it’s prefer to be blindsided by the departure of the host of a faux information program.”
Relating to cable information’ different current ouster, “Sure, Don Lemon was a diva and he stated a few girls are ragged within the face — however that’s a promotion at Fox Information.”
Likening Trump’s dissatisfying indictment to a pot brownie that doesn’t appear to kick in: “Do I really feel justice…? This don’t really feel like justice.”
Amid a riff on Ron DeSantis, “Ask any Republican to elucidate CRT. They sound like a Democrat making an attempt to elucidate the fees in opposition to Trump.”
Relating to the Justice Clarence Thomas/billionaire Harlan Crow luxurious items scandal, “Do you perceive how wealthy it’s important to be to purchase a Supreme Court docket Justice? A Black one on prime of that? There’s solely two in inventory!”
Speaking about how French folks lately rioted over a plan to boost the retirement age two years to 64, “In the meantime in America, we now have an 80-year-old man begging us for 4 extra years of labor! Begging.”
Once more relating to Biden’s age, “There’s been no scandal extra damaging than the scandal of, ‘Is Joe Biden awake?’ Say what you need about our president, when he wakes up from that nap, work will get completed. He would possibly go to sleep however then it’s, ‘Zzzzz, infrastructure invoice!’ ‘Zzzzz, scholar mortgage forgiveness!’”
Turning his consideration to Kamala Harris, Wooden Jr. stated that individuals by no means requested what a VP did or didn’t do till the primary lady one got here alongside. For instance, “The one factor I learn about Mike Pence is that he’s actually good at taking part in hide-and-seek on the Capitol.”
Then, after saying that Dick Cheney is the (very low) bar for VPs to clear, Wooden Jr. famous how Cheney was so unhealthy there’s a documentary about his time in workplace: “If they’ll make a documentary about your time as vice chairman, you vice chairman’d incorrectly.”
